Just last night my kids out of the blue asked me, "Mom where is my real mom?" I really didn't think I would get that kind of question for quite some time. Anyway, I didn't know what to say so I just replied, "What do you mean, I am your real mom". They said, "No mom, we mean the mom that had us". We had a talk about how Heavenly Father had prepared a way for us to be a family. He knew that dad and I wanted to be parents really bad but for some reason weren't blessed with having them on our own. I told them that their birth mom prayed about what she should do because she wasn't ready to be a mom yet and because of that she was lead to us. I also told them that if I was able to have kids I bet they would have been a part of our family anyways.
My question to you my friends is, how would you reply to this and what would you say? It makes me sad sometimes that I couldn't be the one who brought them into the world, but I am so glad that they became a part of my world. I don't really want to know how life would be without them. From the first day that I held them in my arms I knew that they were mine. We don't always agree and as they get older they make choices that make me sad, but that is just part of life, isn't it. Anyway I am so grateful for the sealing power that we receive through the temple and the blessing that we have of having our children sealed to us just as though they were born to us in the everlasting covenant promised to us by our Heavenly Father. What a blessing that is.
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"Our life and adventures as we live in California"
Mackay
Tyler
About Me
- turning about
- I like to think of myself as a certified family organizer, although I don't know if I was truely certified. Have 2 kids Mackay and Tyler and my husband Justin who could be considered a kid part of the time. We are just loving living in the desert.
7 comments:
Take heart, Shar!
This is a question that people who are raised by their biological parents rarely understand. As an adoptee, there are just holes in your life that can't be filled even though you may have the perfect life in the family you're adopted into. It doesn't matter how much you do know, it's what you don't know that always haunts you.
The boys are probably just looking for answers; it's a time for you to see what's on their mind. I'd likely ask them where they think she is and what her life is like. Correct them in gentle ways if you have the information. Ask them what they think she looks like and what her parents look like. Ask them what she might like to do. You can point out that they may like to do some of the same things and that they may indeed look like her.
I still have days where I have to play those games with myself. As happy as I am with my family of origin and the family I have now, I still have those pieces of my life missing--even though they've never been there.
*hugs*
I think Megan gives a wonderful insight. I think if it would have been me, my answer would have been very similar to yours Shar. I follow several adoption blogs and think a lot about the topic.
Life on earth is very complicated. Our bodies aren't perfect and get broken all the time. Some women are broken in a way that prevents us from having children. But Heavenly Father has commanded us to be parents. The family is of God! Some people make bad choices that lead to having children outside of a marriage and a family. Heavenly Father prepares the way so that these children can still have the opportunity of having a family, despite the choices of the person who gave birth to them. Some get adopted right from birth, others get adopted later in life, others have to wait to have a family until they are older. Heavenly Father allows us to be sealed so that no matter how we came to be in our families, we can still be with them forever. When Elijah restored the sealing keys, it included adoption.
I think it is important to make sure they know that their birth mom loved them. It takes a lot of love to place your child up for adoption. She knew that they deserved the blessing of a family. And they chose you to be that family!
My two cents...
I honestly think you handled it just fine. Abby has contact with her birthmother and birthgrandmother at least twice a year, so she knows where they are and what they are like. Iris isn't old enough to ask yet. But when Abby says things like that I just remind her that Anne is very special and did such a wonderful thing for us to be a family, but that I am her mommy forever and ever.
We sort of had a discussion about this when Abby asked if Anne named her. And I told her no and then told her the name Anne gave her. Abby wanted to change her name to that, so we had to have a talk about how that wasn't going to happen. Anyway, I think it is a good idea to just go off of what they are needing at the time. Don't give them more or less than what they need.
You did good:)
You have always been able to say the right thing and it sounds like you did it again. You are an amazing mother! Love, K
I think you answered just right. They are two blessed boys to have you as their mommy!
Wow, I'm sorry you have these challenges. You are their real mom, you know it, they know it, but they still want to know about their biological roots. I think you handled it well. You got some great advice. Just keep at being the awesome real mommy that you are.
Those are some hard questions and you just pray Heavenly Father will give you the right words at the right time. Don't be afraid and don't second guess yourself. I remember that special book you wrote and illustrated and really felt then (and still do) that you are led by the spirit and for that, are a terrific mother. Hang in there, mom!!! Miss you!!
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